Listening
The number one complaint of employees against management is, “They don’t listen to me.”
The number one complaint of teenagers against their parents is, “They don’t listen to me.”
We all know that Communication is a two-ended process.
There is speaking and (the reception side) listening; There is writing and (the reception side) reading.
I remember one of my mentors describing a counseling situation that illustrated a typical breakdown that happens when people don’t listen.
A married couple arrived outside his office door for marriage counseling (they were having serious problems). They began to loudly argue with each other before they even got in the door. It escalated to the point that they were literally screaming at each other!
My mentor opened the door and had to forcefully say to them: HOLD IT! HOLD IT!
They entered the office glaring at each other and sat down.
He asked the husband, “Sir, what has your wife been saying in the last 2 minutes?”
The man glared angrily at his wife dumbfounded…and finally said,” Woman, what have you been saying in the last two minutes.”
They were screaming at each other but neither of them was listening.
Nothing is easier than talking….nothing is more difficult than communicating.
Listening is the reception side of verbal communication.
Here are seven things that will help you be a better listener.
1) Look people in the eye and give them your undivided attention.
2) Don’t allow distractions to interrupt (DON’T be distracted by looking at your phone beep or ding…the kiss of death in communication!).
3) Hear them out…don’t argue or interrupt them…let them finish their thought.
4) Avoid negative body language as you are listening. Don’t be shaking your head or rolling your eyes in exasperation while you are listening.
5) Practice good drive-through communication (this does not mean you have to agree with them)…just give a fair summary statement. We’ve all given an order at McDonald’s (in the old days before video boards/signs created a written summary of your order) and had the server say, “OK I’ve got a big mac with fries and a chocolate shake, right?” Someone called this good drive-through communication. Summarize back to them what you have heard.
6) Empathize with them. Have a heart. Show compassion, not condemnation. The best phrases to empathize with are “I understand you feeling that way;” Identify with the way they feel.
7) Don’t sympathize with their blame. In my leadership workshops, I use the example of an employee in sales receiving a call from an irate customer
“This is the second time you’ve messed up my shipment! What’s the matter with your warehouse people! ?”
If the salesperson responds with:
“Mr Smith! I’m so sorry….you have every right to be upset…Sir, can I be honest with you…we’ve got some sad bannana people in the warehouse! They are terrible! They cause me more problems.”
That always gets a good laugh!
The salesperson should have said, “Mr Smith! I’m so sorry your shipment was not correct! You have every right to be upset! My name is Bob and I’m going to call the warehouse right now and get this problem corrected. “
We teach employees to empathize with the customer’s anger without bad-mouthing their coworkers.
Effective listening is a powerful way to engage employees and communicate that we care.
It is a rare quality of great leaders who know…listening is silent loving.