I heard of a poem by sixties, gestalt philosopher, Fritz Perls:
I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I,
and if by chance we find each other, it’s beautiful.
If not, it can’t be helped.
Now, that may be fine to discuss in the college philosophy or psychology class, but it does not work if you’re leading people.
When I focus intently on doing my thing, I’m selfish. When my favorite book is Looking Out for #1, I’m going to have a hard time getting people to follow me.
Just think of a family for a moment…if Dad’s favorite book is Looking Out for #1 and Mom’s favorite book is Looking Out for #1 and my teenage kid’s favorite book is Looking Out for #1, you’ve got a family of all ticks and no dog. That’s hell. That’s misery when everybody is grabbing for their piece of the pie.
What works in leadership is selflessness. What works is when the boss or manager brings a pie to the break room and serves everyone else first. I’m told in the military the Marines teach this principle as “leaders eat last.”
President Reagan was amazingly selfless. Vice President George H. W. Bush remembers his visit to the Washington hospital after the 1981 attempted assassination of the president:
Ushered into his room, Bush saw that Reagan wasn’t in his bed and looked around. A familiar voice said “Hello, George” and the vice president turned to find Reagan on his hands and knees in the bathroom. “Are you all right, Mr. President?” Bush asked. A smiling Reagan explained that he had spilled some water on the floor and was wiping it up. “I don’t want the nurses to have to mop it up,” he said. “I’m enough of a nuisance to them as it is. Be with you in a second.” Bush writes, “That’s the sort of man Ronald Reagan was.” (“Reagan Remembered”, edited by former Amb. Gilbert A Robinson)
I’ve learned the hard way in 32 years of marriage (I’m a slow learner) that getting up early (I’m an early riser) making coffee for my wife and thinking of her, bringing her coffee (the way she likes it), as she wakes up, is a great way to set the tone for our day. That morning talk time, sharing coffee has become a very joyful way to start our day together. And she, in the same way, does many kind, unselfish things for me during the day.
I think we all agree that hard work, sacrifice, perseverance, competitive drive, and respect for authority are qualities of successful people. But selflessness…ah, that is often the forgotten quality of great leaders.